Sunday, December 7, 2008

Baby Dreams....

Back when we were trying to conceive, a good 3 years ago, I had several similar dreams. In them I was typically pregnant and would give birth during the dream, to a beautiful baby girl I'd name Serah (for several reasons, not the least of which being that my sister's name is Sarah). I was so certain for awhile there, so sure that this was a premonition and that we'd actually have our little baby girl.

Obviously, that did not pan out, though it's always a possibility that it's something yet to come.

Last night I had a dream. We had a new baby handed to us, a teensy, weensy baby boy. He was more like a fetus at about 5 months gestation, small enough to fit in my hand. In the dream I placed him between my breasts under my shirt and carried him around, my right hand holding him firm as his tiny little body snuggled for warmth. His little head strained to look up at us, big brown eyes straining to see. Paxton was in the dream, doting over his new baby brother, and Nik was there too, so happy. My family was congratulating us and I was just adoring this tiny little thing, with his dark curls and tan skin. As tiny as he was the weight of his little bottom on my hand as I supported him gave me comfort. He was real. He was there. I could feel him.

I know better than to put any stock in such a dream. I know this does not automatically mean that our next child is currently in the womb and reaching out to us, nor does it mean he's 5 months gestation or that he's African American or even that he's a he. The fact that I used to hold an underweight kitten the same way to warm her frail little body is something I need consider as I do still have maternal feelings associated with cuddling a tiny, helpless little thing in this way and warming a body that can't quite warm itself.

And yet...

It gives me hope. Our next child is out there, or will be soon, and our house will sell and we'll be ready for him or her or them whenever we need to be and not a minute too soon. There is a plan and a reason and a timing and it's all falling together, though it seems as if it's in disarray. We just need to hold on and work and pray and remind ourselves of the blessings we already have and how lucky we are, and we need to enjoy the life we're living now with time to ourselves and one wonderful little child who's easy to care for and who is enjoying his alone time with us.

Our second child will come to us. We just have to be ready when the time is right.

I still can't help it, though, that I wish beyond reason that this time is very soon.

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