There's just something about seeing a ton of people adopting from China get a special end of the year surprise, several LID days matched seemingly out of nowhere 2 weeks before expected, that makes me tear up. No, it's not the route we've chosen or even could chose for several years to come. And yes other countries and other situations (ie, special needs) appeal much more to me and affect me more with their news. And yet..
Just something about that surprise, months, no, years of heartache and waiting and just praying it and missing the cutoff by a month or a week or a day even or in some cases several days, preparing yourself for not seeing your child's face for another month or two or three even though you're SO CLOSE, and then suddenly... there she is. The phone rings, the message boards go crazy, and suddenly you have a daughter and there's her picture and her name and her age and she's waiting for you and soon, around the time you thought you'd be seeing her picture, you'll actually be holding her and taking her home.
I remember how it felt to have Paxton's picture up on the fridge. The disbelief - was he really going to be ours?- and the hope and the pain of just wanting to hold him and the fear of how our lives were changing and the frustration over how slow it was going and the anxiety over how fast it was going and... well, it was a big mess o' feelings, lemme tell ya. And I cannot wait to do it all again, only this time I'll be doing it with my darling boy in my arms to remind me that yes, it does all work out in the end.
Even though no one is yet reading this blog, I wish good luck to all those on a journey, whether it be adoption related or not. And now to go stalk the China adoption blogs until the pictures are uploaded. :)
Lily in a loafing barn
5 weeks ago