Praying and Thankful

Today we went to visit friends at the hospital. A friend of our son's, almost 6 year old Jacob, was diagnosed with lymphoma this week. He began receiving chemo yesterday and will continue at the hospital for the next week or two. Then, if he's doing well, he'll be sent home with instructions for his family.

Paxton was obviously a bit on edge, not totally certain what to do in the hospital though luckily the children's wing of UNC was set up wonderfully so he found lots of fun stuff to do. The room was large and there were butterflies painted on the ceiling. Family and friends have been calling pretty much constantly it seems, which I'm sure is both relieving and stressful to the family.

The best news is that Jacob has already started responding superbly to chemo. The tumor was fistsized and it's already gone down considerably and while he wasn't bouncing off the walls like normal, he was singing and talking and enjoying one of his favorite movies and a new puzzle from his teacher. Also good is that the lymphoma is in the Burkitt's family, meaning it's non-Hodgkins and thus has a pretty positive prognosis. So while it's still cancer, it's not the worst case scenario y'know?

So we're very thankful that it looks like Jacob will be okay, and that his spirits and those of his family are still up. Also thankful that he's getting excellent care at UNC.

It's still scary, though. I nearly crashed my care when I listened to my voicemail from Grace, Jacob's mom, while driving across town on Thursday. I did a quick circle back to her house just to, I don't know, be there. I haven't known them long enough to really know how to offer support but I figured at the very least I could be present and listen. While there I just started hugging my son and kissing him and couldn't stop for awhile. After I left her home I had to finish my previous drive to drop off a couple checks with my closing agent. I almost started crying in the car. I had to stop into my mother's office which is near there just to calm down a bit, since I didn't want to be driving while I was shaky. I'm feeling better now, obviously, especially with the positive news but it's still so scary to know that one of my son's playmates, a very young and happy child, is ill with cancer.

In other news, not to jinx everything but so far it looks like the house is set to close in about 10 days. We'll have to shell out a few hundred more in small miscellaneous repair costs but it is soooo worth it. As soon as the money is freed up... wow, there's so much we want to do! Adoption is a big part, of course, but so is removing the tall pines from our property, and so is buying a new big-boy bed for Paxton, and buying some baby items. And there are a few non-necessary items we might want that we've been holding off on, but we may continue to do that until after the second adoption is complete and we have our child home.

And in news related to that, we were approached with the possibility of looking into a sibling adoption from fostercare, siblings ages 3 and 1.5 who are due to be TPR'd very soon. We're only approved for one child or twins up to 12 months and honestly I don't know if we could even get approval for a 3 year old when our only child (who suffers from only child syndrome) only just turned 3 himself. I do see some pros, of course. We'd know and live close to the women they know as a "grandma" and she could keep in contact with kids she's known for a year and a half. The adoption would be pretty much free aside from finalization and what we've already spent. We'd have a very, very good source of the history, both social and medical, on both children. On the con side... we really do picture ourselves with and infant, we think Paxton wouldn't be able to handle a sibling the same age, we're not sure if we could handle two 3 year olds, and honestly I'd be very worried that I wouldn't accept them as openly as I could. What if I felt pressured to take them when Nik and I really feel that our family would be best with a baby this time around? And what if we took them and didn't treat them as well as we could because they'd be fighting with our son (he'd be jealous certainly)? And there's even the possibility that we could decide we feel comfortable with the match and then our homestudy agency wouldn't allow it. Our social worker knows how much we want a baby this time around, would she easily allow us to virtually twin our current child and add a second slightly older infant with no real interest previously? I don't know, I think a lot of thought will have to happen here. We just... we see ourselves with a baby. Maybe not a newborn, but a baby. I see myself nursing, slinging, cloth diapering, teaching to walk and talk and easing Paxton into big brotherhood when he's holding on so hard to only-childdom.

So, we'll be praying and thinking and hoping, and all the while we'll remain very thankful. Jacob's looking so much better, his family sounds so much happier, and of course we're grateful for a healthy child ourselves. They're so much stronger than us! I'd be in a heap on the floor or eating myself to death or something in their shoes! And we're grateful for the house being set to close soon and for the silly little repairs that cost an arm and a leg but are so much more worth it than it not selling at all, and even if it all fails and we don't close we're thankful for at least this time of hope and exhiliration. And no matter what we choose regarding the sibling pair coming free for adoption we're grateful to even be given the choice because it means that we're trusted and believed to be a good home for these most beloved of children, and it means for these children that their foster family is a true family that is looking out for their best interests even when they don't have to.

I pray that everyone sleeps well tonight, that Jacob and his family finally all get a good night's sleep and wake up to a new day of hope, that the children in fostercare sleep well and have nice dreams of their lives to come, whatsoever they may be, that our own little son sleeps peacefully tonight and dreams of elephants and lolipops and his Gambi's strawberries topped with whipped cream, and that all we know and love receive the blessing of a good night's sleep and a hopeful awakening. 'Night y'all!