Been a long day. Not a bad day by any means, but a long one.
My first day without Paxton :(
My mom watched him from 9am-3pm and he was at the drop in daycare till 5ish. I walked in and he acted nonchalant, like I hadn't randomly disappeared (yes! yes!). He was also wearing nothing but a shirt and chasing some petrified kid with a toy while a petrified daycare assitant chased him going "omg where are his pants???" Yup, that's my boy ;-)
Nik took the day off work so we could both attend the parent orientation class at our new adoption agency. I think I can actually say we're working with them now. We handed them a big check, gave them our paperwork, got fingerprinted and sent that off for them, oh and I borrowed a book. And they were completely cool with me pumping in their conference room a few times and even "held" the room for me (slow day in office) so I could pop in whenever and not be disturbed. Wow! I was happy about that.
The class touched on, well, everything. And I was more than happy to realize that most of the couples were just like us. Young, happy, amiable and already with a child (or two) and non-desperately hoping for a second. It was strikingly different from that horrendous foster/adoption meeting we attended when we first started to consider adoption. This time we weren't praying for the other PAP's to get a few more braincells and some compassion but instead were cheering them on. I feel much, MUCH better about this agency after today.
Also it looks like African American adoptions are moving pretty quickly, just as their adoptions are moving quickly in general. Apparently they take quite good care of, well, everyone which is another thing we were hoping for. So more people signing up on both sides and more children being placed. They're small still but have already placed 11 this year which is why they oriented 11 couples/parents today (of which we were one).
So now we're actually moving forward, feeling better, and things are looking up. Ugh, I probably just jinxed myself. But really, it was a great day. And Paxton and I got a break from each other which I think is essential from time to time. I'm all for being attached to your children, but attached at the hip? Maybe not so much (long term anyway). The way I see it, if I need a break from Pax from time to time then he probably also needs a break from me, a time where he's a bit more on guard because he's not with Ms. Unconditional Mommy and a time when he also gets away with a bit more and eats a few too many pieces of candy and gets a few too many shiney new presents. So long as he's safe, I don't mind if he has a "spoiled rotten" day from time to time. It's just easier on everyone though if I'm not the one to host those days (except for those times when I treat the two of us to a shared ice cream or something).
I think tomorrow will be sleep in, if possible, then time with both my boys. Nik and I realized that we seem to split off even with the three of us together. It'll be a one-on-one and a singlet going on most of the time. It's like we all know how to relate to each other but relating as a solid unit? Now that's hard. So now that we've realized what we're lacking we're working on it. Just small things like me reading a book while Nik acts it out or us all building a tower together. Unfortunately if Nik and I are interacting Paxton tends to stand back and watch and laugh and comment. *sigh* that's just what we do too! So we're all going to have to work on it a bit. But it's a fun thing to work on :)
I think I'll be heading off to bed early tonight (so soon) so I'm going to go "do my internets" as I always jokingly say. That means a quick trip to some blogs, a forum or two and my fave celeb gossip sites before checking email one last time and eating upstairs to retire for the evening (until my alarm goes off at 1... and 4... and 7....). Night y'all!
Lily in a loafing barn
4 months ago