4 Days, 15 hrs...

Until we meet him.

He was born on Sunday, October 4th, at 11:16am. He weighed 8lbs 14oz and was 21 inches long. His APGAR scores were 9 and 9. He has a full head of hair and healthy lungs. His nickname, as give to him by R and F, is Biggums. And he's apparently handsome.

And that is all I know.

In a way it's almost easier not to have seen him, or even a picture of him. I can't obsess like I did with P, memorizing every curve and tone and little hair. But on the other hand... I have a child out there, somewhere in this county, and I don't know where he is and I haven't even seen his sweet little face yet.

I know he's in good hands. His respite care provider, J, has had over 100 babies in her care and knows what she's doing. I dropped off a cooler of breastmilk and special bottles with a friend of hers, another respite care provider, on Tuesday when he went to respite. I feel a little more comfortable having a few questions answered by a woman who was sweeter than sweet, who assured me he was in good hands. He's being loved on and adored by a kind lady who knows far more than I about babies. He's safe and happy.

And I still just wish he was home...

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I spoke with R on Tuesday as well. She was having a tough time. We both cried. I talked with F, her partner, a bit more and got some of A's description from her. She repeated "he is yours" over and over again, assuring me that yes, this child is ours. R is set. She's not changing her mind. She and F are happy for us and for him, and they know that they'll be better able to care for the two young children at home in this situation. I wish I could make it better for her, though. R is so nice... she doesn't deserve this, all this pain and sorrow. I wish I could take it away for her. I know not adopting A wouldn't help things. I think I'll try to see if there's a church like ours in her city, since our church was a big selling point. I'm sure she and F could use the support, especially right now.

**********

We're not hiding it so much anymore. Even though it's not set in stone, even though something could go wrong, and even though R could, at the last minute, change her mind, we're telling people. Like, really, openly telling people. It's not longer a "we might" or a "there's the possibility that," but now "we're bringing home our baby next week!"

I wish it were today...

But it's soon, and every second brings us that much closer to him. Right now it's just about surviving, holding on and getting through the day and filling our lives to the brim with stuff until we can finally meet him and bring him home.

Oh, and P knows now. And he's starting to be okay with the idea of a brother. No more "no, I want a sister!" Today, for just a second, he actually seemed excited. Then he went back to playing :)

I hope P and A grow up having fun together :)