Wow...

Sometimes it really hits me.

We were PICKED.

It WORKED.

All that waiting paid off and we're here, HE'S here, and we have him and OMG this has really happened and is really happen and, God willing, will continue to happen.

There is a very tiny human being on my lap. He's sweet and loving, ecstatic and bubbly when he wants to play, cranky and fussy when he just wants to sleep and can't seem to settle down, and utterly adorable cuddled up against us while sleeping. He's real. He's a real, whole human being. Tiny and innocent with so much growth yet to do, but he's real and he's here and he's our son.

I still can't believe it.

Which is probably normal since it was well over a year before it finally seemed normal that we had Paxton...

*****

This past week was rough. Well, it started out great, but got rough. I woke Weds morning at 3am with a massive blocked milk duct. I'd been dumb and discontinued Lecithin because, well, I'm dumb. It was huge and it HURT and I literally cried out constantly while he nursed, then he cried because he couldn't really get anything, and that made it even harder.

I had my mother come over since it was supposed to be an important day at work for Nik. It wasn't, but either way things worked out. Mom was here when the fever took over and I had to hand off Ambrose right after nursing him. He was calm and docile for her, as he typically is for someone not me (I smell too much like food, and this boy loooooves to eat).

I struggled with chills and dry heaves for a long time in bed before passing out, woke up and forced myself to get up and put P down for his nap. Then I nursed A and pretty much passed out again. Mom took him and cared for the boys for another few hours. Finally the fever broke in mid afternoon and while I still hurt considerably I was much better.

We were worried A wasn't getting enough milk when he had a couple not so soppy diapers then one bone dry diaper, so we broke out the frozen breast milk and called the doctor for him. We were actually preparing to take him to the emergency room when he filled a dipe with pee. Never have we been so happy to change a diaper!

I didn't call the doctor for me.

That was stupid.

It was mastitis that I had, and it was so obvious....

So Thursday rolls around and ANOTHER blockage hits the same side. Not only that, but A absolutely refused to nurse from there (left) so I had to pump, and give him frozen milk which made me feel awful (it's still human milk, my milk even, and I never had thought I could nurse entirely with supplementing...). I was emotionally drained. I was a total witch to Paxton, which unfortunately continued for the rest of the week and didn't improve until today, Sunday.

Anyway, I was "fine" all day, pumped from one side, nursed from the other, fed when he was hungry, did my mom job.

Then at night, after P was asleep, I took a shower, massaged the painful lump, sat down to nurse A (all things I'd done Weds right before the fever hit) and then.... it was like someone threw a brick at my head. Or a ton of bricks. The chills came on so fast I was gagging and I had to ask Nik to take A from my arms as I couldn't move. I finally slumped over on the couch and just convulsed for half an hour or so as my temp got higher and higher. I only got to 102.2, luckily, though I'm normally in the 96.8-97.4 range so that's high for me. Luckily Tylenol and Ibuprofen helped to bring it down. Nik tried to call the Dr. but while the office was answering, they couldn't reach the on-call physician. I went to bed feeling better but still in pain. I also went to bed very late. Instead of 10pm, it was 1am. I was planning on pumping out that damn blockage myself, even if it took all night. Then I got tired and gave up. Good thing since it took a few days...

Thursday I called the Drs office in the morning and since I was already heading in for flu shots for P and I that afternoon I asked to see the Dr. then. I felt okay all morning, pumped out a bit more, still some chills and a little tired, temp got up to like 101 while pumping. P took care of A by giving him a bottle and wiping his face for me. Such a sweet big brother!

My mother came over again and was there when I finally hit the pus while pumping. Really great, right? It was utterly disgusting. I was just glad I was getting some of it out of me! I was able to show it to the Dr who agreed it was mastitis and put me on antibiotics immediately. And Vicodin, though I only have to take that if I want to (I filled the prescription since I will def want it if I have another blockage like on Weds morning). Nik picked up my pills on the way home from work and I spent more time pumping, and gave A even more frozen milk.

Saturday was more of the same, pumping and too much frozen milk (he eats it too fast and it hurts his tummy) but luckily I got him to latch on last night.

Today it's just a bit tender and pinkish but mostly back to the same shape AND A is eating from it no prob. No frozen milk so far today :) Yaaaaay! So we might very well be back on track!

The only crappy thing is the poop factor. Antibiotics poo isn't fun in adults, and it's certainly not fun in babies!

Also I need to watch out since this whole thing made my cold sores act up and I CANNOT pass that to A as he's just too young to process/kill the virus (dunno if R had it and passed it to him or not, not willing to take the chance). It's hard not kissing those pudgy cheeks!

Oh, and his weight check? Showed he gained 7 oz in 7 days! Breastfeeding is working!!!