In the past couple days I've sent out two "information gathering" emails to adoption agencies or services. Setting up a call with one, perusing the information sent by another. Right now we're just starting to research our options for #3. We could always save up and wait until early '11 then adopt domestically again through ACH. But part of me feels a pull out of the country again... and I'm trying to narrow that down. So I've contacted one service that facilitates adoptions from the Democratic Republic of Congo, and an agency longstanding in Ethiopia (that we didn't use the first time around). I'm not sure if either is right for us right now... But we're thinking that picking a process with an 18 month timeframe and starting when Ambrose is about 6 months doesn't sound like a bad idea.
That being said, the question of gender came up again last night and it has both of us rethinking our stance.
You see, in many programs (especially the ones we seem to look at) choosing to leave gender open in a sense is the same thing as choosing to adopt a boy. And not that I don't absolutely looooove my boys (no sarcasm, really, I'm thoroughly in love) but, well... I always saw myself with daughters too. Growing up I always envisioned a pair of girls, with a boy or two added in. I thought we'd have a daughter first. And now, whenever I envision our family totally put together, it always somehow includes daughters (sometimes through adoption, sometimes through pregnancy). And it's got me thinking... no, I wouldn't mind a house full of boys. But do I really want to give up on the chance of ever having daughters too? Do I really want to say "okay, no girls, that's fine" and just be done with it? Could I truly be at peace with that?
What started this line of thought was the realization that I wouldn't want just 1 of any gender if we want 4 or 5 kids. For instance, I don't think I'd choose right now to have 1 girl and then 3 or 4 boys. I'd rather have 2 girls and 2 or 3 boys. And I fully realize that we might be done at 4 and not go to 5 (or even done at 3...) meaning that, if we got a boy this next time around, I probably would ask for only boys thereafter. Just because I'm crazy like that. But if we got a girl next time around, then I'd ask for a girl for #4. Number 5 could be left up in the air then (whether or not we adopt again as well as gender).
I don't know...
I don't like the thought of picking a gender, saying "I will only accept a child if their chromosomes are such and such," but on the other hand... I know full well that NOT picking a gender in many ways is really just picking a boy. So, really, there's no way around picking a gender.
We're going to have to think about this a bit. When I brought it up to Nik last night, though, he summed up my own emotions pretty succinctly: "I don't think I'm ready for that." He's not ready to give up on the possibility of raising daughters as well as sons. And I'm not ready for that either...
Uh oh, someone just woke up from a snooze on my lap. Time to tickle a pudgy little tummy, get my hair pulled, and have my teeth gooily gnawed on. Baby's are serious fun :)
Lily in a loafing barn
4 months ago