Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Am so tired....

Not last night, but the night before, I accidentally ingested caffeine (Damn you Cup A Joe! I said Decaf!!!) and slept only 3 restless hours over a nearly 12 hour period of laying there (slowly going insane might I add...). Last night it was 7 hours of broken sleep, so a lot better but not perfect by a long shot.

One day, ONE DAY, this baby will sleep like a rock.

But in the meantime, we survive....

And we distract!

We just finished Season 2 of Star Trek Deep Space Nine, meaning we're about to start off with shows I've actually seen, meaning I proposed a hiatus from the show, meaning we're finally catching up on Lost. Y'know, now that it's over.

So DS9 and Lost count as dictraction #1, tv.

Distraction 2 is Super Mario Galaxy 2, or "Super Mario Talaxy!" according to Paxton. I tried to correct him only to be met with "Mommy, you do it your way and I'll do it mine." He's so my son!

Distraction 3 is books. I just finished the Dark Visions Trilogy by L.J. Smith. I had read it as a young teen and still remembered it fondly, and I was more than pleased to find the entire trilogy re-released as a single volume for the low, low price of only $9.99! It was 732 pages of pure, sentimental, non-sensical, sensationalist, stereotypical, paranormal teen romance fluff. I could shorten it to saying pure crap, but it was far too enjoyable for that (though with all the inconsistencies, plot holes and OOC moments I expect!). I've now started on Conrad's Fate, part of Diana Wynne Jones' Crestomanci series. I loved the first two, and this is proving fun as well, Over 100 pages in!

Distraction 4, as always, is the internet. Ah, the internet! Full of Cake Wrecks and FailBlog.org and PerezHilton.com and blogs, blogs blogs! Oh, and CNN if I feel the need to be depressed. I've been using this distraction to purchase new (to me) cloth diapers for Ambrose. I'd say that's distraction #5 given all the attention it's been receiving, but that would be admitting to an addiction right there and we can't have that, now can we? (though if anyone reading this lives in the triangle region and would like to join my new Cloth Diapering group on Facebook, drop me an email :) )

Outside of distractions you get my kids. Right now it's between the end of preschool and the beginning of summer camp. So the Hell Zone kinda. Last week was fun and new and adventurous, but as much as we love each other (and we really do!) Paxton and I have grown a little sick of each other by now. Was there really a time I thought I'd be able to homeschool this boy???

We've been going places, storytimes, playdates, the farm, etc. I'm trying to look at it as a vacation for both of us. Not sure that will work in the long run... I think I'm starting to hit survival mode, and so is he. We're better in small doses around each other (as in, not the full day week after week).

That being said, here's my little update on both my kids from the past few weeks.



He's easy to talk about given how tiny he is and how much he changes even day to day.

He's mastered sitting up, though he'll throw his body backwards if you touch the back of his neck. Wiping off sweat is fuuuuun lemme tell ya!

He doesn't want to eat in the Bumbo anymore. Now he's all about being held while eating. He's so not cool with his flesh ever not being in contact with our own! His favorite meal is 2 oz of thawed EBM + a couple scoops of apple sauce + some cinnamon + an oz or two of oatmeal cereal. Makes a nice, creamy apple cinnamon oatmeal that still tastes like mommy's milk but fills him up more. I like to give it to him at night in an attempt to get more sleep (hahahahahaha! As if!)

He's started to scoot on the floor but is still so pissed about being put down, like, ever that he doesn't do it that frequently.

He does say "mom" and "dada/daddy/dad" I've heard "mommy" a few times, when he's really upset. If he's happy I'm "hey you!"



My big nutty boy has been seriously processing loss recently. Suddenly all of his various losses and fears, no matter the size or importance, are running together into some very interesting stories about "baby Paxton." For example, he lived on the Island of Sodor with his preschool director as his first mother (he misses preschool), his old neighbor friend from down the block (she moved) as his constant playmate, and there were monsters in the woods and old scary engines trying to chase him. Lots of chasing. He's always had a thing about being chased (usually loves it). Nik and I, with Ambrose on my back, were waiting for him, sad and lonely, on top of a tall tower (like the tall building where we picked up Ambrose?) and he flew his airplane up there and landed beside us.

His stories change every time, and I try not to interject too much, mostly asking questions or saying things like "oh, I thought such and such happened... no? Okay." It strikes me as the time he went through a phase of looking for the mommy to everything (mommy rock for a little rock he found, mommy flag for a construction flag, etc). I swear Paxton is his own best therapist!

If that's the case, too, I expect that when he comes out the other side of this new narrative building he'll feel even more secure. He's changed so, so, SO much in the past several months, become much calmer and more vocal, plays so much better with other children, listens so easily. And now that we know about the SPD I NOTICE when he's off. Like, it's not just that I can tell something's off, I know what's off, likely why it's off, how I might be able to help fix it or tone it down, and most importantly that he cannot control it by will. That last bit is the hardest part to remember, but also the one I really need to keep in mind. He's trying, so hard, to be a perfect little boy for us. He really, truly is. He's insightful and caring and worries so much about our needs and expectations that he fights himself and his own urges to please us and often we take it for granted since he'll still be acting up... we're working on it. We've all gotten better these past few months. And we can only get better from here, right? :)


Adoption #3 is still kinda up in the air. We submitted a ton of paperwork to our HS agency, finally applied to the placing agency last week, and are still waiting for a USCIS fingerprint date. We're laid back about it this time though... We do want it to happen, but if there are snags and it takes awhile? Eh, that's fine :) We're hoping to go active around our 5th anniversary in mid October, but we'll see! Truthfully I can't wait to buy baby girl clothes, but in the meantime I have two darling little boys filling up my time :)

Fingers crossed that this time, like the last two times, it works out like it's supposed to. I wonder where our family will be a year from now... :-D

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