Yesterday I was helping parent in P's class. At "second circle" he got to do show and tell. We walked to his cubby together where he grabbed his balloon that he'd brought from home. Just a simple Red Robin balloon he'd pocketed from Sunday Lunch. It was all stretched and lopsided from being blown up so much, but he was enjoying it immensely. He'd been talking for a couple days about bringing it to class to show them all how he'd blow it up then let it go and watch it fly. As we walked back to his classroom, a limp balloon in one and my hand in the other hand, a huge smile appeared on his face. We walked forward, only a few dozen steps or so, only half a minute. And yet it seemed as if time froze for a bit.
The look on his face... such joy, such anticipation! Everything was right in his world, everything happy and perfect and sunny. His whole being was focused on joy and happiness, and sharing his happiness with others. He was positively radiant.
And all because of a silly balloon.
Fear gripped me and I said a silent prayer that the moment wouldn't be ruined, that the other kids wouldn't tease or dislike his show and tell, that the balloon wouldn't pop as he blew it up. For some reason this moment seemed large. Epic. Memorable. Perhaps this will be one of those random and clear memories that he holds on to for the rest of his life.
Please, please, I prayed, please let this be a happy one. Because he's had too many sad ones already...
And then... it worked.
He blew up his balloon to silence and released it to the sound of the whole class shrieking and giggling with joy. It was such a hit he got to do it again!
Nothing bad happened.
He continued his day with a huge smile on his face, still friends with all his classmates, balloon in tact, pride and happiness filling his being.
To see this, to take it all in and absorb, is to me.... bliss. Paradise. Nirvana. Heaven.
To see him exist without strife, without anxiety, without frustration....
To see him live his life as a happy, care free child without the worries and fears that bogged him down for so long...
My God, I can't even describe the feeling!
Worth it. Worth all the pain and struggle. Worth all the screams and tears and all the hard talks. Worth it all.
This morning we went back to school. On the way there I listened to him and Ambrose blowing Raspberries at each other and cracking up.
This is what life is all about.
Random moments of complete and utter joy.
Existing without fear at the forefront.
The innocence of childhood intact.
A happy family at last.
Oh, I am thankful....
Lily in a loafing barn
11 months ago