We've been in a good place lately. A really good place. A really, REALLY good place.
Ambrose is sleeping about 12 hours straight at night. He's eating well and has all the squish to show for it. He's bright, well adjusted, and talkative and is just so stinkin' cute as he discovers this big ole world.
Paxton is sleeping regularly, utterly thriving in school, reading faster and better, and growing like a weed. He listens to us and all his tantrums and complaints are no more than your average little boy's.
They're normal kids.
Normal, happy, smiley, laughing, playing kids.
And I love it.
In fact, I flipping BASK in it, in the feeling of walking to the park beside my almost-5-year-old son, proudly riding his first bike, as the baby sits on my back in his Ergo, ripping off his socks and squealing happily as he flails them around in the air like flags.
This is so great, so wonderful.
And I hope it lasts forever.
Oh, no, I don't mean the behavior. Certainly I DO wish they behave and listen and smile far more than they cry or tantrum. What person wouldn't?
But what I really wish was eternal was this sense of gratitude.
I'm GRATEFUL for these children, for these moments, for this plethora of seconds and hours and days of sheer joy and happiness.
I'm GRATEFUL for runny noses and lost socks and small arms crossed angrily over a tubby torso as the boy in question tries hard to keep up an angry face, only to fail when I make a joke and break out laughing.
I'm GRATEFUL for all the love. My God, the love! From the baby whose entire being leaps toward me when I walk in the room to the smiley boy on the playground happily screaming out a "hi mommy, are you here to pick me up? What's for lunch today?"
I'm so, so grateful for the kisses, the hugs, the cuddles, the bedtime stories, and those moments throughout the day when our eyes lock, happy eye to happy eye, and we really speak to each other if only in thought and we are so, so happy just to be in each other's presence.
This? Is what life is all about.
And I pray that no matter how rough the waters, how steep the hill, I always feel this way. I hope I never take these treasures for granted. They are my Gold and my Diamond, my sweet, sweet loving boys, my angels sent from God.
And my God do I love them.
In that vein, I wanted to both collect and share a few cute P moments from yesterday.
We took our bike ride to the park and while there P fell down the slide after trying some trick. Seriously, I blinked and he went from standing on the top of the slide to laying at the bottom, face in dirt, legs behind him and all up in the air. There was a stunned moment of silence before he raised his head, smiled and me and literally screamed, "Mommy, I'm okay! See? I'm okay Mom!" He wiggled his legs around and laughed hysterically. Silly boy :)
Then when we got to the house I had him go put his bike back in the shed while I took a shivery baby inside and started on dinner. He came in the door a minute later, sulky and whimpering. "What's wrong?" I asked. "It didn't work, mommy. I tried to put my bike in the shed but it just wouldn't go!" I remembered that the shed had a bit of a lip on the floor and he probably had trouble with it. "Aw, honey, I'm sorry!" We sat down together on the futon and he cuddled into me. "Mommy... I tried so hard! I used my big, strong muscles but my big, strong muscles did not work!" I couldn't help it, I laughed! Such sweetness! Such innocence! And such happiness when he saw that I'd already started preparing some "pink" tea for him :) (Raspberry Zinger)
Last night at bedtime I put the baby down then went to P's room for our normal good night kiss. It's become a ritual: Nik handles the bath, then he takes P and gets him ready for bed while I do the same for the baby. Nik leaves P's room shortly before I'm done with the baby. After I leave the baby's room I go to P's and cuddle him for a couple minutes.
Last night he was truly pathetic though, big eyed and whimpering. I got him his Penguin stuffy and he cuddled it while looking up at me.
"What if there are snakes by the gate and they come into our house?"
I explained that the only way a snake could fit inside our house was to come in while we opened a door, and snakes were afraid of people so they wouldn't do that.
"But what if they aren't the snakes that are afraid of people? What if they're the snakes that scare people and make them scream 'Ah! Ah!' in the woods?"
"They aren't sweetie. Good night!"
"... What's wrong now hon?"
"What if there's a helicopter and it tries to bang into our house??"
"... That, uh... that wouldn't happen... And if a helicopter tried it then it would hit a tree and crash before it could get to our house."
"But what if it knocked the tree INTO our house?"
I then went on to talk a bit about the trees outside but a quick glance at the clock had me finishing up and walking out.
"P, what? What's wrong now?"
"Mommy... I'm scared of lots of things that might be scary!!!"
Hehe, yeah, I laughed, and kissed him, and hugged him, and told him he was in a special safe spot and that he'd always be safe while he slept there.
He just smiled and said something that blew me away.
"You're my next mommy... I love you. You're my favorite mommy. I don't want to go live with my first mommy anymore, I want to stay forever with you okay? I love you mommy"
I just about bawled. I gave him a kiss and left him alone to sleep. His eyes were starting to droop anyway.
I love him!
Lily in a loafing barn
5 months ago