Jumpy

No word yet.

As it stands with the current potential adoption situation:
-We don't know yet if she'll even make an adoption plan as she's been back and forth on it.
-We don't know how many families have submitted.
-We don't know what her criteria in a family would be.
-We don't know when/if we'll get to know any of this stuff.

So that's that.

On the one hand, the odds of us coming home with this baby is slim. First she'd have to choose adoption, then she'd have to pick us out of all the other couples. So, like... 10% chance maybe? Max.?

On the other hand... there isn't NO chance, meaning we COULD get a call this afternoon letting us know that little one is to be ours, and I COULD be on a plane with Ambrose this evening or tomorrow morning, scrambling for childcare for P and transportation in FL and we COULD be coming home with a new baby boy in about a week or so.

Chances are slim, but they aren't completely gone.

And that's the hard part.

EVERY email, EVERY phone call, EVERY chat request from my husband, these could all be IT. These could all be someone contacting me to let me know that he's ours... or isn't ours.

And it's so, so, SO hard not to wonder and hope and pray and wish and dream. It's SO hard not to jump every time the phone vibrates in my pocket, and so hard to stop my heart from racing when I realize it's just a friend calling (not to say I don't love having friends call, but you cannot believe the adrenaline rush!).

I went through this with P. We got his referral call about 6 weeks AFTER we expected it. We were sitting at the top of the waitlist for a toddler boy, one of the hardest kids to place in Ethiopia, for 6 weeks and knew that as soon as he came in we'd get the call. Six weeks of freaking out over everything until we got the call.

With Ambrose we were presented 7 times. Seven times I waited and waited, staring at my iPhone and willing it to ring or alert me to a new email. Six times I was let down but I still kept on hoping and praying and wishing and dreaming and one day that call really did come in and, oh man, it's hard not to cry tears of joy just thinking about it!

So I know, logically, that this may not be our child. That there's a very large chance that this child will not be ours. That the odds of me being called anytime soon is slim and the odds of us finding out any new information within the next day or two is also pretty slim.

Even so... we COULD get a call in 5 minutes. It honest to God COULD happen. And so my phone is charge and near me at all times and I'm just staring and staring and staring....

I wonder if I can get a Xanax prescription, just to make it through the adoption wait.