Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Wait, What?

So about a month ago one of the referral services we're signed with posted a situation that kinda stuck with me. Not in the "OMG this is our kid!" kinda way, but more the gnaw at the back of your head kinda way. This is the same referral service that's finding a home for the baby girl born prematurely last year. The situation in question was for a full African American baby due next month.

I sent in an info request Friday, for both situations. For the baby girl I just asked which state she was in. For the other situation I asked if she had any further info since it had been posted a month ago.

I heard nothing over the weekend.

I was anxiously awaiting her response, to either or both situation, when I finally got an email back Monday morning: The baby due next month had been born Saturday and because we'd expressed interest she'd gone ahead and sent our information along.


Say what now?

After being in shock all day yesterday, I did manage to get a bit more information: The mother is still deciding if she'll parent or place and if she does sign then she'll choose a family after signing. The baby was early and had trace amounts of what we consider an "acceptable" drug, and is doing well enough that he was able to leave the hospital and is now with a fosterhome. Oh, and he's a he.

Nik and I decided that, just given the information we have now, we're both fine with being presented for this situation. It's in FL so that would involve a bit of travel but we'd been expecting that anyway. And it is a 3rd boy when we were really, heavily starting to lean toward girl, but again, it's okay. In fact, I even got what I said I wanted: to be presented for a baby-born situation AND to be presented when we didn't know the gender so it could be a surprise.

It'll probably be a day or two before we know if she's going to place, and maybe longer before we know if we were chosen. If we are picked... wow, what a mad scramble that will be, right? And if we aren't... well, it'll happen someday.

Right now... I keep thinking about the mother. What an awful place she's in. She's going to court today, just a few days after giving birth (and prematurely at that). I know very little about the situation but I can extrapolate that she isn't really getting much, or any, support. If she chooses to parent, life will be hard for both her and the baby. If she chooses to place, she loses her son and may end up being stigmatized. It's a lose-lose situation for her.

I guess what I'm saying is that I can't be too upset about how hard it could be for me to, idunno, drive down to FL to stay with supportive family while I adjust to a new child we'd be able to keep and support for the rest of his life. No matter what, we're blessed. If we're chosen, we're blessed with a new child to love on and adore (and a teensy 5.5 pounder at that!). If we're not chosen, we're blessed with the opportunity to let our younger son grow a bit more and for us to be presented to other situation. So no complaints here. Just thoughts and prayers for the mother and child whose lives are in turmoil right now...


manymanymoons said...

As we finish up our home study process I've been thinking a lot about the situations such as these that we may be put into. So many can be lose lose for the birth parents and I often wonder how hard it will be to get the various families out of my head whether we are chosen by them or not.

Good luck no matter what happens with this little guy.

Do you mind my asking about the type of agencies you are registered with...are you affiliated with more than one?

Jana said...

aaah! how exciting. keep us posted.