Tuesday, May 3, 2011

What I've learned from the internet....

#1- If you cannot immediately conceive a child, you should automatically adopt.
#2- If you try any type of fertility treatment, ever, you are pretty much condemning orphans to an early demise.
#3- If you want to adopt, you are a horrible, selfish person for feeling entitled to another's baby.
#4- The first/birth/biological parent will always be perfect and deserves every chance in the world to raise their child...
#5- Unless it's a parent who has not considered making an adoption plan, is raising the child in a healthy household, and has the gall to make a parenting choice that you wouldn't. Then the child should be taken away and giving to someone who will really take care of them.
#6- Adoption is the most painful thing an adoptee or first parent could ever experience. Ever.
#7- Except for special needs children and older children. Because they need to be adopted.
#8- Except that when you adopt them you take away their rights and identity. They should be allowed to stay with their foster parents/orphanage/home country with no money for orphan care.
#9- If you are only willing to adopt a white kid, you care too much about looks an are a horrible person.
#10- If you are adopting a non-white kid then you obviously view the child as a commodity or fashion accessory and are a horrible person.
#11- Apparently only rich, old, infertile, white, heterosexual married couples adopt. Those evil bastards.
#12- If you pay birth parent expenses you are buying your baby.
#13- If you don't pay birth parent expenses you aren't supporting your baby's first mother.
#14- If your baby's first mother or father or grandparents or any other family member ever decides they want to parent, no matter the age of the child, then you should hand the child over and they will be better off for it.
#15- This isn't true with teen celebrities. A teen celebrity should lose all rights to her child immediately, in the womb if possible, because she's too young to raise the child.
#16- You should never let your child be unattended, never let them talk to strangers, never let them walk anywhere, monitor every activity, keep them from trying stunts on a playground, only feed them organic food, pay loads of money for special one-on-one activities, and start saving from birth (or before) to pay for their entire college education. This will prepare them well for the real world.
#17- If you are a drug addicted young woman with 5 children by different fathers, very little education, no money, no stable home, and possibly an undiagnosed mental illness, you should have every right to keep your children and raise them however you want.
#18- If you follow #16 to a T but at some point let your child go to a public restroom unattended, AND you don't feel like a horrible mother because of it, you should have your children taken away.
#19- All first parents hate their children and only used them to make $$.
#20- All adoptive parents hate their children and only use them to boost their ego.
#21- No one can ever love their children as much as I love mine. Just not possible. Also, I have all the answers to parenting any child in any situation.
#22- Must fully believe #21 in order to post on a parenting forum of any type.
#23- Open adoption is scary.... or it's necessary... or it's coercive... or it's all bubbles and light and happiness.... or it's too much work.... or it's less work... or, um.... internet is still out on this one...
#24- If you breast feed, you're a bitch. And you judge everyone. Also, you love exposing yourself publicly. And you're probably a Satanist on top of it.
#25- The internet is crazy and full of crazy and OMG the crazy.

Sometimes the best thing to do is either unplug the dang thing, or just sit back and enjoy the unintentional hilarity that ensues when personalities clash... or better yet, when personalities meld into one big, huge, self aggrandizing crazy party.

1 comment:

Sanityoverrated said...

Lol!! Too funny:) great post:)