Okay. So I'm a mom. And this is a blog. And I do write almost entirely about being a mom. So I guess this is a mom blog.
But you know what? Mom blogs get to me. They annoy me. Sure, they give me an "in" into someone's life and I do find that interesting, and sure sometimes I really do get swept up in their writing.
But more often than not it just ends up being all about cattiness and boasting and digging for compliments and calling out "trolls" who happen to answer your own question in a way you don't like.
Sometimes, honestly, I do have aspirations of making a big blog. You know, one that's read by tons of people, wins awards, shows up on lists. One that might lead to writing articles for actual publications. One that would lead to popularity and notoriety.
I read the popular mom blogs, and so many of these woman can be so mean.
They'll make fun of people in different situations, act as if their choice is the only real choice, and, knowingly or not, belittle others. And they probably don't even mean to or notice it.
I guess the big problem here is that the big mommy bloggers, like every other person on this earth, are only human. They have preferences, likes and dislikes, personal experiences, etc. Their own life journeys dictate their take on the world.
And why are they so popular? I mean, let's face it, most of the popular ones are very mainstream.
In general you're talking: 30's, caucasian, 1-3 biological children, heterosexual and married, middle class. You're talking often about natural conception and the ability to actually choose your childbirth and choose if you breast feed and choose how your raise your baby. You're often talking about fertile people, too, whose biggest worries are if/when they should have another child.
And who is missing from this scenario?
Those who can't produce a child at will. Those who have no choice in their child's care in utero. Those who may not even attend the birth, let alone have a choice in when and how it's done. Those who may not be able to breast feed, or have to work their butts off non stop for even a drop. Those who need to practice attachment parenting, who need to cradle insubordinate five year olds, give 7 year olds bottles, push 6 year olds in strollers or in Ergos. Those who don't have a significant other. Those where their significant other is the same sex as them. Anyone not white. Anyone working class. Young moms. People living with real troubles, like poverty or terminal illness. And the list goes on.
I know there are millions of mom blogs out there now. I know you can find several mom blogs for all scenarios. But just check out Babble or Salon and it can seriously blow me away with how much we don't fit the norm.
And, honestly, given the opinions of many of the people I read, I'm really glad not to fit in with them.
And again, it's not that I dislike the actual mom bloggers. They're just normal people, like you or I, and they just happen to be so popular because they are so middle-ground, so.... "the norm." They talk about things the "average" mom would talk about, like early pregnancy symptoms and pottytraining.
Reading these blogs, and seeing their loyal (and often brown nosed) following, always reminds me that we stand outside the norm.
My kids don't look like me, we're younger than most of these mom bloggers, we can't choose if/when to have another child easily as it's a ton of work on our part, I worked my butt off to nurse and am proud that I'm still at it at 20 months, I don't give a flying rats patootie about any Real Housewifes show, I have no idea how to make a bottle with anything other than breast milk, and I've never had disposable diapers on my weekly grocery budget.
I don't think we're missing out on anything, really. And all I could be jealous of would be the easy conceptions/pregnancies/births, but even then I wouldn't trade my two little boys for a million biological children. Oh, and their cameras. Wow, I want their cameras. But really, I LIKE my life outside the norm. I just kind of wish there wasn't this constant "normal propaganda" this whole "this is the norm, these are the normal problems, this is how you should be thinking and acting" that I keep seeing. I think in some way it's so easy to be sucked into the lives of other people, especially very open and accessible people, that when they have an opinion that's different from your own you can be persuaded to agree with them. I have to remind myself sometimes not to be offended by their views or silly remarks because A) they likely don't mean to offend anyone and B) again, just human, just talking, just a regular Joe who speaks their mind.
Perhaps I should work to make a real mom blog. Build it big and build it loud. But, well, I'm kind of worried I'd get a fat head you know? Even so, it would be nice to offer an alternative sort of lifestyle to the traditional mom blogs. There are enough people out there living "outside the norm" that it'd be nice to have our own icon too :)
Lily in a loafing barn
5 months ago