The crazy world of Mommy Land

Just some snippets from my daily life:

-When I tell Ambrose to close a door he becomes frightened, runs to the door, and slams it as fast as he can crying out "EMU COMIN'!!!" Gotta watch out for that pesky emu now.

-P had a dream the other day. He was being chased by an evil robot and his teacher drove over, plopped him in his car, and drove him to a carnival for safety. But the robot was still coming! Paxton even turned into an ice cream cone and hid in a plastic bag but the robot was STILL COMING!!! This is a very serious story he's told us several times now, and it is not to be laughed at. Not even a chuckle. Or you'll get a talking to.

-Last night he had another dream, about daddy lions going after him. I'm going to guess that school anxiety is causing a bit of fear that's coming out in his subconscious maybe?

-Today at lunch Ambrose told me he was done eating and wanted to play. I reiterated that he could be done eating, but I was not done eating and I would not be getting down to play with him. He could either stay and eat beside me, play by himself near me, or go to his crib for his nap. Everything seemed to be going just swell. Half a minute later and he's standing on the floor shrieking "cuddle! CUDDLE!!!" while I try my best to calmly explain his options again. Half a minute after that, I'm starting to lose my temper and I have to work to keep my voice calm and continue eating my lunch while he rolls around in hysterics because I will not come to play with him. Half a minute after that, I try to place him in his crib but he runs as fast as his little legs can carry him to the toy bin screaming, "Noooo! Plaaaay!" Half a minute after that and he's beside me shrieking and pulling at my clothes and I've pretty much lost it and have started ranting about how sick I am of having to eat my lunch at 2:20 in the afternoon and how dizzy I get and how tired I am and how I just want to eat my freaking lunch and you knew your options and I AM SO PUTTING YOU IN YOUR CRIB AND LEAVING YOU THERE MISTER! Half a minute after that and he's sitting on my lap happily eating my lunch. *Sigh*

-Paxton is reading everything and anything that he can find. It's awesome, and slightly frightening. We bought Apples to Apples Junior (for ages 9+) and he sits there reading the cards and making a choice as to which noun fits the adjective best. It makes me yearn for my college game night days... but it also makes me a bit psyched for our family game nights coming soon :)

-Also? He knows the words to the Nicki Minaj song Super Bass. "Somebody please tell him who the F I is!" I think I may have to stick to the classical station.

-Ambrose has started to use the words: Tomorrow, Tonight, Soon, Later, Sometime, Afternoon. "Candy?" "No, baby." "Later? Tonight?" "Um, sometime..." "Tomorrow please!"

-He also tells knock knock jokes. He started with "MOOOM! Nockanock!" "Who's there?" "Appo!" "Apple who?" "Apposaaaaaauce!!!" Now it's typically a derivation of this. "Moooom! Moooommmyyy!!!" "Yes?" "KNOCK KNOOOOOCK!" "Who's there?" "Apposauce!" "Apple sauce who?" "Apposauce David Bwenna Baby Sam Dip Chip Apposauce David! Ha ha!" Seriously, sometimes it's like a whole paragraph. And his knock knock jokes still make far more sense than Paxton's...

-I caught P pick up a chicken and throw her at another one, just to see what they'd do. He was gentle about it at least. I still had to open the window and scream, "Paxton, we do not bowl with chickens!" When he looked confused I elaborated with "we do not pick up chickens and then proceed to throw said chicken into another chicken!" He got it then and said, "oh, sorry!" and went about his business. While I had a "wait, did I just say that?" moment.

-Last night I went to a PTA organizational meeting. P's school's PTA has been inactive for 3 years and the new principal is really trying to turn the school around. It's been a struggling school for a long time but the county is pouring lots of money and resources into it and it shows! There was a huge turnout last night, almost filled the tiny cafeteria, and I was glad to go. Nik stayed home with the kids and as I left Ambrose started to panic and freak out. I figured he'd calm down. But no, it was another one of his 30+ minute panic attack tantrums and Nik could not calm him down. So he called me. Several times. I had to leave the meeting and of course I'm like "OMG I've missed 2 calls and he's calling me again SOMEONE MUST BE DEAD!" But no, he answers with "hey, honey, how are you doing?" in a sunny voice. I could have killed him. He then tells me that A is crying and puts him on the phone. Apparently Nik's phone can't handle the baby shrieks because it sounded a lot like someone crinkling paper. I was left in the awkward position of not knowing whether I should hang up on my baby, who I couldn't possibly help this way, so that I could return to a very important meeting, or if I should just wait it out. Finally Nik got back on the line and I told him, "Look, just give him ice cream! ICE CREAM! It will solve this." And it did and by the time I got home everyone was in a great mood and A was perfectly happy to eat his dinner with me. Or at least his new dinner, since P had already eaten A's actual dinner.

-P's birthday party is coming up and he's decided to have it at Chuck E Cheese again. He's also decided to invite his cousins. Before I could interject with, you know, logic, he said "no no no, mom, just listen! They can take a plane from Maine to Raleigh, and it's okay! It's okay! Because I will WAIT for them! I won't start my party until they get here! It will be very late at night but that's okay because I want my cousins to come!" I swear my heart broke for him just a little. "Oh, sweetie, that's so nice... I just don't think--" "And then they can go and sleep at the airport! I hope they like airport food!"