I am now eight weeks pregnant.
Or, okay, yesterday I was.
Anyway, I think I'm starting to get the hang of this pregnancy thing.
I feel sick all the time, I'm always super full, super hungry, or both. My blood sugar drops suddenly and often (well, I should be able to see it coming honestly). I'm tired all. the. time. And it often feels like I'm having menstrual cramps and yet there's, thankfully, no blood. And yesterday I started getting tinglies in my feet. Yay.
I've looked through a few websites telling me what I shouldn't and shouldn't do in yoga class right now and I have to admit I wouldn't have guessed some of the poses I should avoid. I'm really going to have to get into swimming and stop going to yoga classes 4 days a week. I LOOOOVE yoga but I think I'll end up doing just gentle yoga and swimming for a long time, as well as walks. I just don't really have enough energy right now, which is understandable when my body isn't so much focused on Standing Pigeon or Up Dog as it is on growing another little life inside of me. A life which, according to my Pregnancy book, is now not only clearly visible but almost an inch (!!!) long, with arms, legs and elbows, eyes, and almost no tail. Shocking.
I've been spending too much $$ at restaurants. When I want something, I want it BAD!!! Like I pass by a pasta place and I'm suddenly famished and it's like their primavera with the red cream sauce is the only water in a barren desert or something. I mean, literally, stomach growling, mouth drooling, brain unable to focus on anything else. So even though it's 8pm and I had dinner almost 2 hours ago I swing by and buy MORE dinner which I gobble down at home, and then just sit there like it was the best thing I've ever done. Literally glowing, haha!
I'm still very, very nervous about miscarriage, which I guess is understandable given that this is a first pregnancy and I'm so early on. But now it's less "miscarriage is inevitable and I feel sad because there's nothing I can do" and more "I'm really loving this baby now, I'm really looking forward to being big-pregnant and giving birth, oh please don't let me miscarry." The risk looms overhead and I hate that. I wish I could be all naive and triumphant and just sit back and enjoy the ride, you know?
And it's really all just one worry after another.
Will we ever get pregnant?
Will we make it past the first trimester?
Will the ultrasound show that something's wrong?
Will I make it to term?
Will I have a difficult birth?
Will I have a stillbirth?
Will we get through all of this only to end up losing our child to SIDS or cancer or a car accident or something else horrific?
I don't think a parent's worrying ever ends... though I have to admit, it's nice having a 6 year old I don't have to worry about quite as much :)
Lily in a loafing barn
4 months ago