Today we toured a birth center, one that many of my friends/acquaintances have used and that my doctor recommends. It wasn't quite as homey and warm as I was expecting, but definitely has everything we're looking for and seems to be in line with our goals. They like to see people for the first time at 10 weeks, but I requested to be seen at 9 since we'll be out of town for week 10 (and I'd really rather see a doctor before spending over a week traveling and visiting Disney). They likely won't be able to hear the heart by then *pout* but at least I'll have seen someone and that feels much better. Nik agrees that their super crunchy practice, educated and certified staff, and close relationship and proximity to the hospital are all pluses. They only take 35 women per birth month, and they're booked through September, but they said that if we make an appointment then that makes us a patient and gets us "in". My EDD is Oct 28. We were first in line for that appointment.
So we're in with them, and as it's 45 minutes away we expect to be traveling a lot. Hopefully.
As we were driving home I was talking to Nik about how odd and unreal this all feels. I've convinced myself I was pregnant how many times? How many times did I note how late I was, obsess over nausea and cramps, get all jittery and excited, and then squint and squint at negative tests? Nik told me that this is the first time that he's convinced I'm pregnant. I told him this is the first time I'm convinced I'm not.
I know too much. I've read to much? I've heard too much. I know how frequent miscarriages are, how you can have a blighted ovum, how other things can appear to be a pregnancy. I know that still births aren't just big scary fairy tales and maternal death does happen. It's frightening, but it's true. So much could be wrong, so much could go wrong....
But so much more could go right.
And honestly just looking at numbers alone odds are that everything's fine and that everything will continue to be fine and that we'll end up with #3 this Autumn.
I just have to keep taking care of myself and my family and just hope for the best.
Lily in a loafing barn
4 weeks ago