Tuesday night I had too much time to myself. Shock, denial, and lots of free time on the internet do not mix well. I looked up symptoms, stories of false positives, what's a chemical pregnancy? What does ectopic feel like? Could I have pseudocyesis? Could I have bought two bad batches of hpts even when I bought a 3 pack and got a negative on the First Response months ago? I looked up what else could cause a positive result. I had myself half convinced I have bladder cancer...
So I took another test yesterday morning and yup, positive.
I think... I think it's starting to sink in.
I think this is really happening.
And at the time I was rushing the kids into the car and making sure Nik was okay to drive to work while sick and my head was spinning with what I had to do that morning and I turn on the radio and there's this song, just this boy-band party song that I'm sure I've listened to dozens of times and never paid attention to.
But there was this moment of silence in the car and one phrase of the song stuck out...
"My universe/will never be the same./I'm glad you came."
And I just about broke down weeping.
I thanked my boys for being with me, even though it confused them.
And I placed my hand on my belly and whispered a near silent "I'm glad you came..." to the tiny Surprise growing inside me.
"All that counts is here and now"
Lily in a loafing barn
10 months ago