Morning Sickness

Oh, wow... I thought it had hit before. I was wrong.

From what I'm seeing online, 6 weeks is the norm for morning sickness to hit, with a peak intensity at 8 weeks (only 10 days away from sheer hell, woohoo!) and tapering off, sometimes to nothingness, at 12-14 weeks.

On top of this I suspect that I'm mildly anemic. There's iron in my prenatals, but I was awful about taking my iron supplements and as a vegetarian who had heavy menstrual bleeding for 6 out of 30 days (or one fifth of the month), my iron stores weren't exactly where they needed to be. I'm trying to add more iron to my diet but if it doesn't improve I'll see if I can get an additional supplement.

I had been somewhat queasy, light headed, and a bit crampy until yesterday. Yesterday the exhaustion, coldness, and full on nausea hit hard. No throwing up or passing out, though I felt both coming on at different points. I was awful with Ambrose and both boys are now acting out with me. P is having some PTSD problems, as he always does when I'm sick. A is just upset that mommy's off lately and not playing our normal games like chasing or wrestling. In a couple months, kid...

Throughout this, though, I keep looking down at my stomach and saying, "Seriously, though whatever you want at me, just stick around, please." I just started some morning sickness pills from Whole Foods, hopefully that will help some. And in the afternoons I do feel better. As I've been telling Nik, it's like having the flu all morning until about 2pm, and then recovering from the flu for the rest of the day. I feel better, not as sick, cold or listless, but I'm still weak and not totally myself.

My doctor tells me this is good, that nausea usually indicates a "sticky" pregnancy.

But I'm still worried....

What if something's wrong?

What if I do lose this one?

What if everything's developing except the baby and they'll never find a heartbeat and an ultrasound would only find an empty sac?

What if there are chromosomal abnormalities that prevent this one from growing and developing?

So many what if's still...

I wish I was the naive girl I was when we were married six and a half years ago. I just know too much now, too many possibilities for sadness....

Just have to hope. Hope that all is well. Hope that this pregnancy leads to a healthy, happy baby. Hope that I can make it through a day of morning sickness without going nuts with Ambrose throwing things and running. Hope that I can keep from going insane while waiting for a basic prenatal check up. And love. The greatest of these is love, no? Even if something awful happens, for right now I can believe in the child in my womb, and I can love. Whether it's wise or not.