Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Those precious moments...

.. Go by too fast.

My oldest child has been with us over 5 years now.  He's seven.  He's in first grade.  Now he's reading and writing and having grown up conversations.  He wants to be known by his nickname.  He's so grown up...

... he used to have the softest voice.  He hunted for buggies and tried to catch "bum-bees."  He would match things together and call them friends.  He used to fall asleep in my arms.

My second child is three, potty trained, learning letters and spelling his name.  He's sleeping in his big brothers bunk bed, wearing new 10.5 sized shoes, doing chores and preferring friends over us half the time...

... he used to cry if we weren't holding him.  He nursed constantly, cuddled in tight, and lay beside me all night.  He would happily lay in a sling all day, nestled against me.  He used to fall asleep in my arms.

Me baby girl is three weeks old.  She's already outgrown her newborn clothes.  She's a great nurser, calm and alert, very easy going baby who mostly sleeps at night.  She already has great neck control, already recognizes us.  She's growing well... and fast.  Right now she's asleep on me as I type one-handed. 

Time is moving quicker with each child, flying by.  My learning curve is lower, transition time faster, and with the need to get back into a normal schedule I find myself all too often putting her down and sending the boys to do something so that I can complete some chore. 

Laundry?  Dishes?  Cooking? 

These have to get done.

And yet, I cannot help but think of all I'm losing by folding pajamas or cutting carrots.

I'm so lucky to have so much time with my children, and yet I'm still greedy.

I don't want to miss this...  I don't want to miss their smiles and laughter, their jokes, their milestones, their discoveries. 

It just goes by so, so fast.

And I'm happy about this, really.  I'm proud of their growth, happy loving who they are today, and really I don't wish to relive the early days with the boys, nor Cosi's first days.  I love whi they are today, and tomorrow I'll love who they are then.

Yet, by now I know all to well that these moments fly by.  They grow, they learn, and soon the will not be the same amazing spirits I love so deeply right now.  I will love them for who they are, and yet I mourn prematurely for the loss of the little beings who inhabit our home right now. 

No picture, no video, no lock of hair or salvaged outfit will ever truly capture this moment, this precious, incredible gift, this tiny and fleeting pocket of time right now, right as it is.  All I can do, really, is live it and love it. 

(and maybe order out sometimes...)

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

She's here!

Cosima Sophie was born at 8:06pm 11-6-12 at the Women's Birth and Wellness Center in Chapel Hill.  7lbs 13 oz, 22 inches, perfectly healthy :)

Birth Story:
I was 8 days over my EDD (or 9 going by my original EDD).  On Monday I requested a membrane sweep, but given that they already had 3 women laboring in their 3 rooms (with an extra room across the hall just in case) they didn't feel comfortable sending me into labor and asked me to come back on Tuesday, after my ultrasound at UNC to check for fluid levels. 

I went to UNC yesterday morning for my ultrasound and they found that my fluid levels were very, very low.  They ran a biophysical profile while I was there, which we passed with flying colors.  She was practicing breathing, she emptied her bladder, she kicked, heart was wonderful, etc.

I headed right over to the birth center for a non-stress test and consult on my ultrasound.  Again, the non-stress test went perfectly, she was very alert and responded to everything, so they kept me on the machine for the smallest amount of time they could (20 min?).  I spoke with 3 different midwives there and they were all happy with the BPP and NST but all very worried about the fluid levels.  I asked for the membrane stripping again, and not only did they do that in the most aggressive way possible (with my permission of course), they also came up with a game plan for if that didn't work.  Worst case scenario was me going in for an 11:30am appt today and heading right over to UNC for an induction. 

Membranes stripped around noon, contractions started coming on every 4 minutes around 2:30pm, headed to the birth center around 4ish (contractions 2 minutes apart and no longer able to walk through them) and was 7cm by the time we got there around 4:45.  Got in the tub as soon as they let me and didn't leave until she was here! 

Labor was intense!  Not what I was expecting, but I kind of went in with the thought of 'expect the unexpected."  I started to fall asleep between each contraction, so it was pretty much like "pain pain pain sleeeeeep pain pain pain sleeeeeep"  I pushed for... an hour?  Hour and a half?  I think they were expecting her to come out even faster but I sort of had to ease into pushing, took me awhile to get the hang of it.  The midwife had me stop pushing for a few contractions since I had an "anterior lip", I was 9.5 cm dilated and she wasn't coming through with that little bit left.  That to me was the hardest part of the whole thing, like sheer torture and I just couldn't not push!  The midwife had a plan B, where she pulled back the cervix while I pushed and that was much better, haha!  Still not instant baby, but pretty close.  She crowned and then pretty much shot out of me at 8:06. 

Seriously, I'd been going from pain-sleep-pain for so long that suddenly there was a baby on my chest and I was like "OMG a baby!  What on Earth?"  Didn't take me too long to wake up enough to wrap my head around it though!  Unfortunately it took a good 30 minutes to stitch me back up :?  But it's mostly torn skin and doesn't look too bad (they tell me anyway).  Cosima latched really quickly and went at it on both sides back and forth for a good hour and a half.  We left the birth center at 12:44am, as we were still wide awake and figured that it would be easier to rest at home and drive with no traffic. 

Today is definitely a day of sleepiness and transition, which I'm sure we'll have for awhile!  So, SO glad my little girl is here safe and sound and that my boys are doing well.  My big guy is nothing short of amazing as a big brother and he's all smiles.  My little guy... might take him awhile haha!  But he's pretty much the same as his big brother was three years ago in the same situation, so nothing abnormal there :)  Hoping recovery goes quick and smooth, can't wait to take my little girl out and about and show her off!