.. Go by too fast.
My oldest child has been with us over 5 years now. He's seven. He's in first grade. Now he's reading and writing and having grown up conversations. He wants to be known by his nickname. He's so grown up...
... he used to have the softest voice. He hunted for buggies and tried to catch "bum-bees." He would match things together and call them friends. He used to fall asleep in my arms.
My second child is three, potty trained, learning letters and spelling his name. He's sleeping in his big brothers bunk bed, wearing new 10.5 sized shoes, doing chores and preferring friends over us half the time...
... he used to cry if we weren't holding him. He nursed constantly, cuddled in tight, and lay beside me all night. He would happily lay in a sling all day, nestled against me. He used to fall asleep in my arms.
Me baby girl is three weeks old. She's already outgrown her newborn clothes. She's a great nurser, calm and alert, very easy going baby who mostly sleeps at night. She already has great neck control, already recognizes us. She's growing well... and fast. Right now she's asleep on me as I type one-handed.
Time is moving quicker with each child, flying by. My learning curve is lower, transition time faster, and with the need to get back into a normal schedule I find myself all too often putting her down and sending the boys to do something so that I can complete some chore.
Laundry? Dishes? Cooking?
These have to get done.
And yet, I cannot help but think of all I'm losing by folding pajamas or cutting carrots.
I'm so lucky to have so much time with my children, and yet I'm still greedy.
I don't want to miss this... I don't want to miss their smiles and laughter, their jokes, their milestones, their discoveries.
It just goes by so, so fast.
And I'm happy about this, really. I'm proud of their growth, happy loving who they are today, and really I don't wish to relive the early days with the boys, nor Cosi's first days. I love whi they are today, and tomorrow I'll love who they are then.
Yet, by now I know all to well that these moments fly by. They grow, they learn, and soon the will not be the same amazing spirits I love so deeply right now. I will love them for who they are, and yet I mourn prematurely for the loss of the little beings who inhabit our home right now.
No picture, no video, no lock of hair or salvaged outfit will ever truly capture this moment, this precious, incredible gift, this tiny and fleeting pocket of time right now, right as it is. All I can do, really, is live it and love it.
(and maybe order out sometimes...)
Lily in a loafing barn
2 months ago