So it's a blah day. Not a bad day, not a good day, and not a bleh day, but like a blahblahblah just get through it day. It had its good points and its bad points and its veeeeeeeery bad points ("Paxton, I'm gonna.... I'm gonna.... I'm gonna eat some ice cream and I'm not going to share!" Yeah, you go witty stressed out mom!).
I spent too much $ on groceries. Been doing that lately, though it seems to be worth it. Physically I haven't felt this good for a long time. No IBS, no acid reflux, no blood sugar issues, etc. I'm eating plenty of fruits and veggies, getting protein in various non-meaty forms, lots of calcium, and taking my multi-vitamins on time daily. To think me who stayed away from anything in pill form for the longest time! Daily I chomp down 12 domperidone, 2 vit D, 3 Calcium, a multi, an iron, a folic acid and a lecithin, though I had 2 yesterday as a blockage was starting (and was stomped right out!). I cap it off at night with a Benadryl and Tylenol to sleep, then take my wake up med in the form of yummy ummy instant Kava coffee (loaded with splenda). I'm somewhat unintentionally lowering my carb intake. Not taking it too seriously, though I'm trying not to eat too many breads and I feel much better because of it. Today I did my normal 2 smallish lunches. First lunch was 1/2 a cantaloupe with some fat free cottage cheese slopped inside (yuuuuuum!). Second lunch was a small bowl of chick peas with feta and a few handfuls of plump blueberries. My tummy felt nice :)
I'm trying to remain unstressed. There's a baby our agency is trying to place. I'm pretty sure that all 5 families waiting for an African American newborn will ask to be shown, giving us a 1 in 5 chance of having a new child soon. I don't want to think about it. I'm just planning my life like it won't happen, since odds say it won't, and I'll just continue on as I can. I'm just... I don't even want to hope. It won't change anything, will it? If this child is meant to be ours then she'll be ours and at this point there's nothing I can do other than request to be shown. Nik is more stressed about it than I am. I was so stressed about the last one. That really took a toll on me. That situation actually felt like IT. This time I'm not letting myself feel it. We'll just have to wait and see.
Lily in a loafing barn
4 weeks ago