Friday, June 29, 2012

So now I'm thirty.

And I still refuse to grow up :-P  Can't make me!!! 

Last night I got to go out with my BFF Renata.  We met Freshman year of High School in the lunch room, friend of a friend of a friend kind of thing.  Didn't like her then, she was all mousy and quiet and shy and I was so ready to be all grown up and embrace the teenage experience and go wild and crap.  Got old fast, didn't like it, and she and I were much more compatible as friends than anyone else.  We made it through a long obsession with the Backstreet Boys (we were to have a joint marriage with Kevin and Howie), we were hooked on the same comic books, had our hobby comic books that we worked on together for years without even putting together one full page (and yet we had like 3 different series all mapped out from start to finish), we became obsessed with anime and manga together and borrowed each others stuff all the time, have spent waaaay too much time at coffee shops talking about the dumbest stuff, and have been each other's "sister by choice" for, um, a long time now.  Like 15 years this Fall.

So anywho, it was only fitting that I leave my twenties the same way I entered it: wasting time with the BFF :)  And it also happened to be our standard dinner night anyway, so that helped.

As I told Nik when I came home (he loves to hear all about our adventures) it was a total Renata/Megan night.  Seriously.

We met up and spent like half an hour whining about how hungry we were and trying to decide where we wanted to eat, with a lot of "I don't know, what do *you* feel like?" thrown in.

We finally headed toward a shopping center as I read all the menus from all the dining establishments off my iPhone and she told me how it all made her hungry, and I agreed.

We parked and then walked around to all these dining establishments and read their menus again, because that makes it more official or something.

We ate crepes.  They were delicious.  Oh, and she paid as a birthday treat.  *sniff*

We then walked around and looked at all the possible deserts before agreeing that we were both full and getting in the car to go to a RedBox since they have The Artist now, and while The Artist is in fact at a local $2 movie theater, I don't want to hear popcorn the whole time while we're watching it.  Again.

So we drove to the RedBox, then sat there on our iPhones for 20 minutes trying to see if it was on NetFlix streaming since then it would be free and we wouldn't have to remember to return it. 

We couldn't figure it out, so instead we went to a coffee shop and got coffees and treats to take back to her house.

We then pulled up Netflix and after seeing it wasn't there, we looked at other things.  Decided not to watch the movie we had half watched last time since we were actually interested in it and we felt like talking the whole time.  So we chose Thor, because it's not that great a movie and it was Thursday (Thor's Day).  We then looked up the history of the god Thor and laughed about the discrepencies. 

Then there was a guy who reminded Renata of Westley in The Princess Bride, so we stopped Thor and looked up TPB and then both whined when it wasn't there, which it totally should be! 

So then she started North and South, which made us far too quiet. 

So we stopped it and she pulled out a toy horse she'd has since she was a child, the subject of this overarching conversation we'd had all night that also included kids TV shows (new and old) and how I can't watch Bob the Builder anymore since the Bob/Wendy dynamic frustrates me too much and it being a kids show I know they'll probably never hook up.

Anyway, Renata wanted to see if she should find what the toy line was called to see if she could replace her set of toy horses, as her nieces and nephews had broken all her others.  She couldn't find any info though.  Took us half an hour, a laptop and an iPhone, and the fact that I found a distinguishing characteristic immediately, and we were able to find that we had Darci of the Fashionstar Fillies line from 1987.  She's a collectible, thought probably not much of one in the state she's in.  So we finished our night checking out collector's pages, her looking at horses, me looking at Polly Pockets because they're awesome, and then I was yawning and decided to drive home before I was too tired.

I got home, told Nik about the whole evening, and he just laughed and shook his head as always.  I think he somehow enjoys having a crazy wife.


As for my birthday today, I've so far spent it hanging out with the kids, trying to keep the chickies from heating to death, and spending the morning with my friend/doula and her kids.  Wiggles is a-kickin' away and A wants to sing happy birthday but the timing isn't quite right I guess :-P  Tonight we dine on Teppanyaki! 

Thursday, June 28, 2012

My Twenties...

Long long ago (like, almost a full decade), in a land far away (Chapel Hill), on a blog long forgotten (my old Livejournal) I posted this gem:

Wow, I'm twenty. 20. Wow. Freaky. 

Yes, much younger me.  Twenty WAS freaky, wasn't it?  New decades are always freaky.  Sometime between 11:59pm June 28th and 12 midnight June 29th in 2002 I entered my 20's and became a twenty something.  Freaky.

The twenties covers a pretty wide array of potential experiences.  For some, it's getting a job, working your way up the corporate ladder, traveling the world, non stop parties, finding yourself, shopping too much, drinking too much, trying on different possible futures, dating, separating from friends, separating from family, growing closer to friends and family, moving a lot, growing and learning and discovering and finally having your life as your own, finally having control over who you are and where you want to be.

So what did I do during my 20's?

Well, honestly, not that much.

Oh, sure, I finished college and worked a bit, but neither of those really held my interest.  I don't really have lofty goals, I'm more of an "enjoy every day" kind of person.  I only got drunk like 3 times and didn't enjoy it, don't like clubs or parties or entertaining really, and I've never been all that into fashion or trying on new hats.  Sure I dated, but just the one guy and I kinda married him.  Moved for sensible reasons only, started our family young, and have been happily living the SAHM life ever since.

Some days, when thinking about that huge birthday I have coming up, like, tomorrow, I've wondered if I wasted my 20's.

Should I have backpacked across New Zealand?  Should I have helped run an orphanage in Haiti for a year or two?  Should I have studied abroad, spent time in New York City, colored my hair, dated around? 

The twenties are, in our society, your "selfish" time before settling down.  I know that.  I knew it then.  But I didn't want that.

I could tell before our first date (before I turned 20) that if Nik and I got together, we'd likely just stay together.  We're too lazy for lots of drama :)  And I knew I wanted children, and that I wasn't really ambitious about any career path.  Sure, I could commit myself to something and stick with it if I had to but really I just wanted to have kids and be with them, and figure out any future careers later with more life experience and exposure.

It's not like my twenties went exactly how I'd planned, nor would I want it too.  Had it gone how I'd planned it, we would have two children through birth and be living in our little town home saving money planning to adopt in a few years once those kids grew up a bit more.  We would travel more, which sounds nice, but really can be a pain in the bum with small kids.  Oh, and I'd homeschool.  Not that there's anything wrong with that dream, but I'm very happy with where life is and where it's going and really, I can't imagine it any other way.  I can't imagine other kids, I can't imagine living in that little town house, I can't imagine traveling so much, I can't imagine homeschooling even if only because P and I really enjoy his school and the people we've met through it.

Likewise, I can't imagine having spent my 20's any other way than how I have.  Sure, I have little regrets here and there.  Wish we'd joined a gym sooner, wish I had learned to garden earlier, wish we'd repaired this thing first instead of that, but nothing major.  And for that, I am extremely, extremely blessed.

Several months ago, after my 29th birthday, I began stressing.  It felt like SOMETHING was missing, something wasn't right, and it had to be right by my 30th birthday.  Something had to happen by then.  When I finally put my finger on it, it stunned me.

I wanted to have experienced pregnancy by my 30th birthday.

Silly, right?

But when it came to our infertility, I was never all that bothered because I was so young, in my twenties, and we had time to choose and try procedures if we wanted to.  We wouldn't really worry about IUI or IVF or anything until after I entered my 30's.  And suddenly, that end date, which had seemed oh so far away when I was 23 and first saying this, was nearing fast.

It was hard to swallow.  Hard to admit that, while I was (and am) extremely happy with our life and with my two incredible sons who would not be ours if it weren't for our infertility, I still wished to become pregnant someday.  And the closer I became to 30, the more I realized that it wouldn't be a "wait and see what happens" but we'd have to make a definitive choice at some point to actively pursue pregnancy if that was really ever going to be in the cards.

And then it happened.  Like magic.  Seriously.

I had actually spent many nights awake trying to psychoanalyze myself and get over this end date on fertility, just get over the time limit I'd set for myself, and instead of putting it behind me I, well, I actually got my wish.  As frightening and bewildering as it was at the time, I actually became pregnant naturally while in my twenties. 

And here I am now.  A young (for more than just today) mother and wife, with a great husband who took us to lunch and two wonderful sons asleep in their beds like they should be, and a baby in my belly due exactly 4 months from today, who twists and kicks and reminds me of her presence constantly.  Did you know that if a baby is delivered early at 23 weeks then they have a 50% chance of survival?  That's Sunday.  Sunday marks the first point of viability for this child.  And for some reason, despite the birthday I have tomorrow that will bring me into another decade, that will make me a thirty something, all I can think about is her, is how this little baby is almost to the point where, should something horrible happen, she actually has a chance, and truly that makes me happier than anything else at the moment. 

In those moments when I'm not thinking about her and not, finally, getting really excited about this, P pops in with plans for my birthday and so much excitement, proudly telling anyone who'll listen that his mom is almost 30 and she has his baby sister in her belly.  And A just loves to sing Happy Birthday to me, or whoever, in the car.  And my husband already bought me a ton of gifts, historical romance novels and an awesome U shaped body pillow.  It's like, this whole happy existence thing.

So today, for the last day of my 20's, I'm not really doing anything.  Just... hanging about.

Tomorrow will be more of the same, perhaps with a nicer dinner and a decaf latte.

Saturday will be a trip to the zoo where we'll all sweat buckets, then an overnight at a goat farm's Inn, because we're totally cool like that.  Who needs NYC when you can stay at a goat farm in rural NC?  I hear they make an awesome breakfast! 

And then the celebration will be done and I'll be just another thirty something.  But a young thirty something, who is totally cool and all that jazz.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Busy, busy, busy

Oh man, when was the last time I posted?  Can't even remember!

Sooo... here's a quickish wrap up of the past several weeks.

P:  His last day of Kindergarten was a week ago.  We had a sweet little kindy picnic on Monday followed by a slideshow and a little 'graduation' ceremony in his class, just small and intimate.  P now knows that he'll have his same teacher and classmates this fall, and we've already seen a few of his classmates for playdates in the past week.  He's not stressed about it, something I was truly worried about, but instead calm and happy and relaxed.  He's enjoying his time off, willingly taking his naps, and is just being a great, easy going child for the most part. 

We took him to the 20 week ultrasound a few days ago and he was a little riled up there, but he ended up enjoying himself.  We still need to figure out how to meet everyone's needs this summer, and so far he's been left out a lot.  I feel bad, but he can amuse himself with a video game or book from the library, things he's been missing with school in session.  So far so good, we'll just need to get into a routine.

A:  He finished preschool two weeks ago, which was bittersweet, oddly moreso than P leaving kindy though I think it's because we're pretty closeknit at the preschool.  Also A doesn't understand that he'll be seeing these friends again this Fall.  For P, that's a blip on his radar, just look at a calendar and know when you'll see them again.  For A, that's like forever.  He's not having an easy adjustment to our summer schedule and he's been a much bigger challenge this past week than he had been beforehand.  Hopefully we'll get that under control too.  Also he's potty training and while I'm falling into the trap of frustration with him, he's doing a stellar job.  My hope was to get him mostly there by the end of the summer, but he took to peeing on the potty immediately.  #2 is a work in progress, so that looks like our main challenge.  That, and the fact that he's been mostly dry through the nights meaning he's up at like 4:45 with a hurting belly needing us to put him on the potty and then he has trouble falling back to sleep, if at all.  *Groan*

Baby:  She's a she, she's doing great, and she's a kicker.  A mover and a shaker really :)  Everything is going great in there.  I'm a real slacker at, well, everything so I really need to work on getting the birthing class in order and getting up with our doula and setting up a birth plan other than "have baby" and all that.  But she's doing her job of sticking around and growing just fine. 

N:  Working a lot, but still having fun with the kids.  He's up with A a lot at night and early mornings so I can actually sleep.  We're both reading books right now (like, multiple books for each of us, it's a phase we're trying to replace with watching Murder She Wrote on Netflix), and so a lot of our time together has been spent reading beside each other.  Like old people.  Old people in their late 20's. 

Me:  I'm in my late 20's!  yaaaay!  For like, 15 more days!  Woohoo!  Still not sure if/how to celebrate.  No one throws me parties so it's up to me if I want to plan anything, and really I just don't have it in me.  We *might* go to the beach for the day, but it's looking unlikely, especially with our yearly Maine trip right around the corner in a few weeks (yeah, need to plan that one too). 

My PTA stuff is over now, officially done the end of this month.  I did really enjoy Teacher's Appreciation Week but I won't be a chair next year.  How could I promise that with a new baby coming?  I'll be on the preschool board though, smaller group, know what I'm doing and much more fun :) 

I'm still doing yoga a bit and trying to get into swimming.  I'm cooking from home more, though I'm not feeling so great today and I'm tempted to just eat out.  Tummy acting up, not enough sleep, bleck.  I'm sure it'll only get worse as the summer goes on and I get bigger so I'd better get used to it!  I am enjoying all the fresh, local produce and locally produced foods.  NC is great for that. 

Okay, toddler on my lap, big kid wanting attention, need to cook dinner.  Um, yeah, this is why I never write anything :-P