So I, like most of America apparently, was initially appalled at the mother of the recently born octuplets, especially once new information came to light. She's not married??? She has six other children age 7 and down??? All conceived via in vitro??? No job??? One autistic son??? IS SHE FREAKIN' NUTS?????
Well, let's just say I like to play devil's advocate.
And even saying that, I have to say that there's no way I see this woman as a devil. A saint? Maybe in her own mind, not in mine. But not a devil.
Just an ordinary woman who followed a path and got deeper and deeper into it until suddenly she's in the national spotlight paraded about as being an idiot.
What gets me, though, is that so many people talk about how she obviously has no care at all for her children.
Now, lemme say I can see that point of view. I mean, was she thinking about the care her other children would need when she was choosing to get pregnant again while jobless? No. But she had always been supported one way or another and here she had the option of either letting her frozen embryos be destroyed or transferring them. And from what I read, and what I interject, I think this woman really loves her children, enough so that the possibility of never getting to carry and meet their siblings truly tore at her and enough that she could not choose to do away with any lives once they were residing within her.
Again, don't necessarily agree here. I don't think that a woman choosing to not transfer all frozen embryos, or who takes doctors advice and reduces the number of embryos, doesn't love her children. She just thinks differently is all, and wants to give the best life to those already existing.
It's just... a difference in perspective. And a difference in situation. How can any of us truly say that we wouldn't be in her place if we'd lived her life? How could I say that I wouldn't have chosen to have children this way? Wouldn't have relied on my parents this way? Wouldn't have birthed so many and LOVED so many this way?
And above all, how could I judge her, another mother, when the only horrible thing she did was to bring her children to life in this world?
People kill people and others march for their freedom. People support wars, build guns, get drunk and hit other cars and get off with hardly a slap on the wrist. A man who kills a hundred men could be taken as a saint. A woman who births 14 children under circumstances others wouldn't prefer is called an idiot.
Maybe it's just me and my newfound protection of motherhood, and my newfound realization of neosexism, the way that other women treat women so horribly and blame everything on them, and the way that mothers must always be the absolute peak of intelligence and composure.
I'm sorry, but we're dealing with a human being here. We don't know everything. Was she spoiled growing up? Abused? Was she so mistreated in love that she felt she'd never find her life mate? Did she feel so backed into a corner that she realized the only way to reach her dreams was to follow a path others would deem unnecessary?
And when, oh when, did we start applauding people for following the path less taken when it came to just about everything else aside from procreating? What, a woman can stage a protest that costs her state millions to clean up after and we're fine with it, but a woman can't have children?
I don't know, maybe... maybe this whole parenthood thing is warping my mind. Maybe it's becomming a little too easy to put myself in other's shoes. But honestly, if it is I'm glad of it. I mean, seriously, shouldn't we all just step back and breathe and say "okay, so this is the path she chose and she's trying to make the best of it and care for her kids by herself so we should stop judging her over everything."
And maybe people could stop for one second complaining about tax dollars going to the birth and care of her children. I mean, I'd much rather they go to that than a war or some politician's wallet.
Okay, Nik's friend is over and I should entertain. Or play the Sims and eat a grapefruit. One or the other :)
Lily in a loafing barn
4 weeks ago