So I turned this blog all private. Locked up my kids' names and faces and stories. Figured it was the acceptable thing to do.
I started a new blog with fake names (okay, middle names) and tried to keep it updated daily. Then every other day. Then a couple times a week.
And now I'm not blogging at all.
And that sucks.
I feel like... I'm missing it.
I'm missing the chance to record and share our life.
You know what I want to be able to do? I want to be able to write everything, EVERYTHING, without worrying. I want to be able to share pictures and names. I want to be able to just write and write and write.
And I have the time, and the inclination.
But not the drive.
What's stopping me? Is it the anonymity? The enormity of trying to start a blog from scratch?
Is it the loneliness of blogging to no one?
Is it the newness of a new template and blog?
I have so much to write about! We got a call a week and a half ago about a baby boy and we turned it down due to finances. That was horrible. That shouldn't have happened, but it did and I wish I could blog about it. And I can but I just didn't know... didn't know where I guess.
And we're having trouble getting Ambrose to fall asleep on his own, and Paxton is freaking out a little bit about Kindergarten, which I registered him for last week (a blog post in itself), and there's a yardsale coming up and we're getting rid of so, so much.
And we went on a date! A real date! To a play! My parents actually watched the kids WHILE THEY WERE AWAKE, both of them, and PUT THEM TO SLEEP without us and OMG it was wonderful and exhilarating and I want to do it every day!
And we're totally obsessed with The Office right now. And my mom got a new dog. And the weather, which was stinking awful, has taken a turn for the better and oh, it was so NICE to be able to walk in the park today and empty a whole $1 loaf of bread out by throwing it at seagulls!
And life is just... so nice right now.
The house isn't as clean as I'd like.
I'm in uber ditz mode.
Ambrose still cries a lot while going to bed for me.
And even though we could neither of us is getting enough sleep.
But the kids are LOVING each other and having so much fun and just really enjoying each other, and the whole family is super connected and totally in love. And Nik's loving his new job, and he's doing great at his interval training, mostly running a 5K just about every morning. And I'm getting stronger in my pilates and yoga classes, and I'm totally all about zumba. And life just... is nice right now. Which won't last forever, I'm sure there'll be drama soon, maybe involving the new baby (Bug as s/he is currently called), maybe not, but either way we're just enjoying the now and having so much fun with it and with our boys.
And it almost feels like I'm talking to a friend I haven't seen in a long time...
I've missed you oh grand internet diary! Screw anonymity! If people want to stalk me/my kids they'll just find me on Facebook anyway! Hooray, I am so back to this blog!
(At least until I pay for my own webpage and port the blog over....)
Lily in a loafing barn
5 weeks ago