A week from today, Monday morning, I'm going in for our first (possibly only) ultrasound. This will be the anatomy scan that tells us a lot about the baby's health. I'm already obsessing over it! A week from now might very well be one of the greatest days of my life, seeing the tiny being living inside of me up on a monitor, hearing that all is going well, hearing a clear heartbeat, getting pictures to share, maybe even knowing the gender.
But I am firmly in the realm of "know too much." I've seen too many people go through too much sorrow to believe absolutely that our first ultrasound will bring us nothing but joy.
I mean, yes, all appears to be going well, and the random flutters I feel at night are probably a good indication that all will be just fine. And the odds are firmly in our favor, of course.
But there's always that possibility... a heart defect that requires intense medical care, a diagnosis of something life threatening, perhaps even something worse... we won't know.
And even if there is something "off," even if there's only a theory of something "off," then that still will lead to constant worry and more waiting and testing.
So I'm scared about this ultrasound. I'm scared to find out that there's something wrong.
But I'm also excited. Excited to get a glimpse of our baby and hopefully see that all is well.
I can't wait until next Monday and yet I am still dreading it so much!
I think I may just have to consume ice cream and chocolate (ooo, or both!) to overcome this hurdle :)
In other preggo news, a friend of mine is going to become certified as a doula and is looking for clients due in the Fall. I'm very, very tempted... I may just have to join in on that! Currently my birth plan is "have baby" and that's about it, so I guess having someone along who has actually given birth before and is trained in helping others give birth would be great. And maybe vital :-P
In non-preggo news (I always hated the word "preggo" until recently), school is almost over!
Tomorrow is a PTA meeting, and it's either the last or second to last. I won't be a Chair again in the Fall, but I've agreed to still be involved in the committee and help out whoever becomes the new Chair of Hospitality.
The day after is the preschool's end of year potluck followed by the meeting where everyone votes "aye" on everything, like next year's calendar. I'm really going to miss the preschool group this summer, but I'm glad we're going back next year! Sometimes I wonder if the preschool is more for my kid or for me... it's so much fun and everyone involved is just wonderful!
Next week A will finish up his preschool year. Then I get 2 more weeks until P finishes up Kindergarten.
And then... it's the summer. Our Summer Trio. And I'm excited, and also a bit sad. The kids will both be sad to end their school years, and I am as well. I do truly enjoy the people I've come into contact with at their schools, and I really enjoy seeing how happy my children are and how much they grow in these loving environments.
Even so, I'm excited about day trips to the zoo or beach, and playdates, and naps, oh the naps, and just hanging out with my boys. They've become such great friends, really interacting so well most of the time. How lucky am I to have two little boys beg to just play with each other in the backyard? I just sit on the deck, wind blowing in my hair, with an apple and water and iPhone and watch them run and laugh and play with each other while I snap pictures and, um, check FaceBook. :) Also the chickens are cute and usually at least one comes over to try and steal my food, or get a cuddle.
Okay, time to get back to reality for a bit. Need to pick up a little and figure out where my husband is :-P and maybe stand up from the computer chair!
Lily in a loafing barn
5 weeks ago