Yesterday morning was the worst.
I managed to make myself relatively presentable, make sure the kids got to school, hold a few real conversations, and then.... freak out. But at home at least. And in the car. And just a teensy bit at the hospital.
The birth center doesn't do their own ultrasounds so I got to go to a nearby hospital, which is actually a lot closer than the birth center :-P Even so, the drive over there felt like forever, and I was so, so nervous. Dropping stuff, repeating myself, sweating a bit.
I kept thinking, "what if my baby isn't alive? What if there's no baby? What if there is a baby, and the baby has no legs? Or two heads?" I was seriously envisioning my live with a baby who had no legs and two heads and how I'd probably have to form a support group and knit my own baby clothes, when Nik calmed me down. Because he's awesome like that.
We didn't have to wait long in the lobby before being escorted back by a kind, funny, intelligent woman who did the ultrasound. She was awesome.
And it was awesome.
And the baby?
The baby is fine. And perfect. Two little arms moving about, two little hands with all their fingers clenching and unclenching, two little legs with perfect fit kicking then crossing at the ankles, a bit ole head with a cute nose and a developing brain, a strong, healthy beating heart, a perfect spine and organs and lots of movement.
And girl bits. Can't forget the girl bits.
I know rule of thumb is that if they say it's a boy it's a boy, and if they say it's a girl it might still be a boy. But I've been feeling it's a girl since the beginning, so it wasn't a shock but rather a confirmation when she went all around her little legs and said, "yup, that's a girl alright!"
It was so surreal, so incredible. This is a baby, a real, live, perfect baby, and she's inside of me! How bizarre is that? Maybe it's because I'm not showing yet and I'm still wearing my normal clothes, but it's still really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that there is a little person living in me. In a way, seeing it on the screen didn't help. I'm laying there staring awestruck at my child as she plays with her mouth and moves to lay on her side, trying all the while to internalize the fact that what I'm seeing is currently happening within my body. It just seems too perfect and wonderful....
We weren't allowed to take pictures there, and they didn't give us as many as we'd like, but I did get a few cute pics to share. They aren't as awesome as actually seeing it all happen in front of you, in the moment, with movement and heartbeat. But they're still a baby :) And I loooove to share pics of my babies!
One of my printed out pics (so a picture of a picture). Baby girl's hand :)
So all is well. As soon as we were ready to go the ultrasound tech needed everything checked off by the doctor. He informed us that he, personally, would like a better picture of her heart and wants us back at 20 weeks. Fine by us :) One more ultrasound in 3 weeks, which we'll be bringing P to. I'll still be nervous, but hopefully not as nervous as this time. And we can ask for a gender confirmation then I'm sure.
So... yeah. We're excited. And happy. There's a baby! A real baby in there! How awesome is this? Yay!
We celebrated with burritos, because we're classy like that :)
Now I just need to be patient for another 23 weeks (so long!) before I can finally hold and meet this little one :)