It was, apparently the eye of the storm. Damn.
And here I sit at 10:17 am on a very cold, very windy Friday, awake for over 7 hours now after 5ish hours of very broken sleep that involved getting up twice and being woken up even more. I'm beyond sleep deprived.
And the baby? He fell asleep at 9:30 for his 10am nap then woke up at 9:45 and has been shrieking for the past half hour.
He'd be sleeping if I put him in a sling and walked him around. But I just can't do it. So he's in his baby swing, within ear and eyeshot, shrieking his head off while I struggle to even sit up straight.
Sorry, baby, I just can't do this mom thing today. I'll nurse you at feeding time, I'll pick up your brother from preschool, I won't yell or scream or anything bad, but I'm not going to put you in a baby sling and walk in this freezing cold for an hour or pace the hall while my shoulders start to ache more and more. Even standing is a bit much right now. We're going on like 6 weeks of 4-5 hours a night of highly broken sleep most every night. If it was 4-5 hours straight I might be okay. As is? I'm not. And seeing as how I'm not a martyr mom I refuse to push myself past my limits. So sorry. Sorry you get to cry it out in a baby swing. But mommy is tired and cranky too and there's literally only so much I can do. And yes, it makes me cry that you're crying. And it sucks. For both of us. I'm sorry. I wish I could be perfect for you :(
Can the day just end now?
Can we just get to a point where he actually sleeps now? Like, ever?
Latest thing? Being awake all the time. 1-2 hour naps are now down to 15-20 minutes. 1.5-2 hour wake ups at nights are up to every hour or more. And 5-15 minutes awake is translating to 30-45 minutes of active wake time, or more screaming. He went from sleeping like 18 hours a day to sleeping considerably less and now he's acting sleep deprived as well.
And if I hear ONE MORE person complain about:
-Being up by (God Forbid!) 6:30 am (seems like heaven!)
-Being woken up only twice by kids who went right back to sleep
-Having a baby sleep for "only" 45 minutes straight
I think I'm going to scream. Maybe I'll scream anyways.
People really don't know how lucky they have it, do they?
(Of course, then I have to acknowledge that many people have it worse than me... Poor people!)
Lily in a loafing barn
4 months ago